To-Do List

11 Things Every Minnesotan Should Try in 2011.

Now everyone come visit me so we can check some of these puppies off this list.

JOY

As I recover from my annual knock-me-on-my-ass cold and finish thank-you notes from the holidays, I've been reflecting on the holiday season that was actually packed with lovely things...

On Christmas Eve I got to have brunch with Mami, liquor shop with my Dad, and see my original nugget, home from teaching and selling cheese in NOLA.  On Christmas my parents and I went to a really good movie, did some decorating, and opened some presents.  That evening we hung out with our second immediate family and their extended family for lots of food and gab.  Later I went to a bar two blocks away for a major high school flashback (plus more drinking legally minus making out in bathrooms).  Even later that night  I came as close to fulfilling a freshman fantasy as you can without ruining it.

The next day we had our 3rd annual party and it was a doozy.  I felt a little extra pressure to make sure it was one people talked about until next year because Megan is overseas and I wanted to make her proud, plus some lovely sisters even came down from Minny just for the occasion.  I think I succeeded; the number of people that tell me they look forward to the party more than the actual holiday supports this, as well as the number of people that slept on various surfaces around my parents house that night after playing games until 5am that are always a bad idea except for when you're drunk enough.  (We were.)

I stuck around town a few extra days to hang out with some snowed in East-Coasters, and it meant more quality time all around, especially with my parents and miniature people.  (See below.)

To top it all off, I got to go to New York for one of my besties 30th birthday party a couple of weeks later, thanks to the generosity and airline miles of a dear friend.  It was, as Tommy put it, one of the "Top 5 epic weekends".  Truly.  Complete with margaritas and whiskey all over Brooklyn, speeding cabs in the snow, making friends with Australian strangers, karaoke in more than one private room, discovering that bar time isn't until almost dawn (with the drawback that you can't get pizza in Brooklyn at almost dawn), one cousin, one favorite musician, one really Bad Kitty, some of the best friends that the universe has ever beheld, and last but certainly not least a big Packer win celebrated with a bunch of fellow cheeseheads plus my new future ex-husband who doesn't know it yet.

Some select moments that make me happy all over:

Which one is my mother?  Sometimes we can't tell:

Another Big and Mini that I love:

 

Epic Morning After brunch:

 

2nd Day of Recovery Lunch:

 

In this picture there are two of the best friends anyone could ask for (who also happen to be sisters), three glasses of wine (out of the shot), one baby whom I love, and one puffer fish bath toy:

"I will buy you beer one day...":

Rachel's favorite French beer to start NYE:

New Year's Day Roses and Champagne:

Somebody's afraid of heights...

Bad Kitty...

"And maybe be your baby tonight...":

"Maybe be my baby tonight..." from Caitlin Scanlon on Vimeo.



I sort of want to live in Tommy's video of his trip to WI:

Horray Wisconsin! from thomas schwenn on Vimeo.

My Mantra This Summer...

Soak it all in...
The warmth of the sun as the grass tickles your feet through your sandals... The coolness of the shadow... The shadow of your body moving across the grass lit by the early evening light... The gentle haze that is the bugs lazy above the pond... The beauty that is so much it seems unreal... Soak it all in.
Soak in the joy of the bounding puppy as you head towards the pool... The hesitation of the old dog that would rather rest... The call for a "bartender!!!" when everyone's ready for a cocktail... The laziness of nowhere to be on a Saturday night...

Ring Ring Glug Glug

Today was one of those days when I wanted to call all of my ex's that never totally got over me.

I'm aware this seems pretty self-indulgent, at best, cocky and narcissistic more likely.  I forgive myself for that today.

I've had a difficult couple of weeks.  Lots of things in upheaval, lots of stress, lots of loneliness. 
Today I wanted to hear that I'm lovable, I'm a catch, that I inspire him to be a better man, that I'm sexy and desirable and unforgettable.  Instead I found myself waiting for a call from a man who, while he may very well think those things, has his head caught elsewhere right now.  (Without getting too far into it, it's somewhere his head should be, not something sketchy and questionable.)  
Waiting for a call, no matter how much I end up accomplishing in the meantime, is quite possible my least favorite thing in the entire world. 

I feel a little proud of myself that I did restrain myself from calling any of my ex's.  Even the one that is totally over me and legitimately my friend.  The one I did talk to (he called me!) was just for a minute, and I didn't indulge in any ego-masturbation at all, even though he was practically begging for it.  (He said he called just to tell me I would have beautiful babies one day.  We're trying to be friends.)

Instead of any of these phone calls I worked out and am about to have a nice big mostly liquid dinner.  I think this is a healthy trade-off, at least on my mental health scale.  Cheers.

June Was a Big Month...

Which should explain why I only published three blogs over the month.

I was my best friends maid of honor and shared a magical weekend with her family, mine, and a group of some of the most wonderful people on the planet.  I loved taking charge and knowing what needed to be done without her having to tell me, I loved feeling like I was really helping her marry this man, whom I love too; I loved being around all the people, I loved the ceremony of it all, I loved the kids, I loved staying up until sunrise every night with her brother who became a man and a father in the eight years since I had last seen him, I loved all the music and drinking and food, all the quotations that only those of us who were around all weekend really get ("that's what she said"), I loved my sister being such a help to me and everyone and my parents being able to celebrate with us, I loved being around my oldest and best friends for days straight, and I love being included in everything this family that invited me in 20 years ago did.

I spent about 36 hours in Virginia for a wedding that most of this country would consider invalid.  The 'best-of-times-worst-of-times' year of my life was survived because of a small group of friends, a few of whom have survived in this group we call the Jager Girls.  (Yes, that Jager.)  That year in Fayetteville we drank a lot, we fought a little, we never got arrested, and together we survived what was for most of us the most difficult year of our lives.  They are the ones that didn't ask but just showed up after Brendan died; they cooked and brought liquor (Jager, duh) and cigarettes, distraction, tissues, hugs, and so much love.
Around that time two years ago Mel was about to leave the job she had held and excelled at for most of her adult life because they said she couldn't love Dawn and still do her job.  (They are proof, by the way, that that rule is bullshit.)  Dawn and Mel live together in Virginia now and as of early June are happily (and legally, thanks to the District of Columbia) married.  I got to be there to celebrate, help with a garter, drink a lot, cry a little, laugh more than anything, and love some of my favorite women (and some of their children) in the world.

My sister spent the last three years, arguably the most difficult of her life, working on a masters degree from a very important and very expensive school.  She'd argue the ivy is bullshit but damn if it doesn't have a nice ring to it.  She finished in May.  In June (the day I came back to Madison from VA) we had a nice little party for her.  Our sister from another mister gave us the theme, my mom and I brainstormed the map as guestbook, I found Dora napkins, and we had enough sparkling goodness that Megan had a full glass the whole night.  It was lovely.

The day after Megan's party was the day before the 2-year mark of our brother dying.  This year it rained, and there were fewer people, but it was just about perfect.  There was printing and drinking and crying and laughing.  Brendan was remembered, and toasted more than once.  This sting is so much less now than it was even a year ago, yet the absence is larger than ever.  It's been that much longer since I heard him laugh, since I heard him say "HI sister...".  I have some new shirts, and Solve has many more fans.  He'll never be gone, but my life will never be whole.

A few days later, I came back to California.  I wasn't as happy as I should have been to come home, but seeing Aunt and Uncle and the dogs (who helped Uncle pick me up from the bus stop, along with a cold beer hidden under an ice pack) made it warm and loving. 

Now I am moving forward.  Spending lots of time on things that feel good and spending enough time on things that I have to.  I am making decisions and sticking to them.  I am practicing trusting myself.  I am feeling loved.  I am feeling hope.  I am so excited for what's to come.  I am 10 days in to being 29, and it's going to be a great year.

Scatterbrained

My mind is all over the place this week...

Americans who tried to take Haitian children across the border to a Dominican orphanage have been charged with abduction.  The whole story is creepy to me, especially that they keep saying they were just trying to do God's work, and that they're looking to God for a positive outcome.

I had weekends off last month and I've been using the time to get caught up with friends, take care of loose ends that have been dangling for months, and just cavorting and sin in general.  There's been a lot of eating, drinking, laughing.  It has felt really good, but as I start to get a little more focused and sober some of the questions I was dealing with before are coming back in even higher relief and with more urgency...
How can I trust my emotions?
How can I trust anybody else?
Where do I want to be?
What do I want to do?
How many rules will my moral compass allow me to break?
How much discreetness before it becomes secrecy, and how much secrecy before it becomes lying?

Oscar nominations were announced, and ever since I was a kid I've been a sucker for the Academy Awards.  I get excited for the nominations, and then I feel all this pressure to see movies before the awards.  I never see all the ones I want, yet I never let myself off the hook.  It's not even fun, yet I do it year after year.  Maybe it's residual Irish/German/Catholic guilt leftover from my parents generation.  The same guilt that gets me when I'm late in Thank-You notes, when I don't call my parents back, when I think about my messy room...

We got ducks last week.  A neighbor winery was diverging of it's assets, and Colleen said we'd take the ducks.  She and I hopped in the Element with some boxes and came back six ducks and a bunch of duck poop heavier.  They are massive - I was worried about them in with the chickens but they're about as big as the rooster so not so worried anymore.  Today's the first day they're waddling around outside the pen.  At first I felt a little emotional about them, they've got such cute quacks, but now I'm totally ok with the foie gras and confit that is to come.

I have learned some intimate things in the past month about myself, and about some others in my life, all whom I consider to be at the very least close friends.  It has been entertaining, and educational, and a little emotional.  (Hey look at that!  Three E's.)   I wish I could share more but I can't until I get it all a little bit more sorted out in my own head.  Lesson - keep yourself open to learning from those that you think you know already.  The universe has surprises for all of us, and some of them are bound to be good.

What Does Bottom Look Like?

Does it look like being drunk in more than one bar with less than 3 other people in each of them in one night?  (I'm not counting the dog.)

Does it look like texting your ex (from memory since you'd deleted his number more times than you can count) and then proceeding to text him meaner and meaner things until you find yourself having to text an apology the next day?  (Even though you had erased all evidence, other than a snapshot of some of the really nice things he was texting back to you.)

Does it look like texting your current very complicated crush at 3am his time that you 'need to talk'?

Does it look like seriously considering making out with a man whose girlfriend you had met not but one hour earlier, because he told his friend he thought your were hot?

Does it look like scolding the friend, who also is your friends boyfriend, for trying to hook you up with him, when in fact it was you who told him to do it?

Does it look like accepting a trip back to the bar to drive by to see if the attractive man that was sitting there when I left to chase taken tail was still sitting there?

Does it look like discovering about forty fuzzy photos on your phone of you trying to get a cute picture holding the puppy, and having no recollection of it?

Or maybe, does it look like all these things combined?


Just wondering.

Cheers

Every once in a while, it feels really good to get really drunk and loud and maybe make some bad decisions and wake up with some bruises.
Not all the time, because then you're just a mess. Just enough to work the kinks out and remember what a hangover feels like, and maybe prove to your rapidly aging self that you can still function relatively well on small amounts of alcohol induced sleep.
Now where the f*$& is the aspirin.

Djibouti Independence Day!

I turned another year older a couple days ago, and I could not have asked for a more perfect weekend. I started 28 on a wave of love and joy, filled with intense gratitude and wondering how the hell I got so lucky.

I did the farmers market on Saturday morning, and some farmers and chefs started the day of well by giving me arugula, basil, tomatoes, pizza dough, and fresh mozzarella to enjoy for my birthday.
Friends arrived to the farm mid afternoon and we played in the pool with drinks and music for the rest of the day. (Lesson - if you want to get people to get to know each other quickly, throw them in swimsuits on a hot day with lots of beer and music, and make sure a few of them are from the midwest [more on that later]. Inevitable friends.)

Aunt and Uncle spearheaded dinner, which started with brick oven pizzas (with fresh eggs on top), cheeeeeeeese, and favas, had roasted chickens and veggies from the markets in the middle, and ended with a smorgasbord of desserts including lemon bars, some ridiculous pie bars, cookies, and s'mores cupcakes. Uncle started the dinner almost making me cry by toasting me with a 1981 Chateau Pichon Longueville Comtesse de Lalande (I know that because I now have the bottle sitting right next to me on my desk. It looks important.)

Then I opened up some presents (Presents!!!) that were lovely, including a shoe necklace from the Met in NYC, a series of singing lessons (singing lessons!!! And I thought Auntie wasn't paying attention to me in the car...), pretty smelling things, books, lottery tickets, and a handmade card.

I got to listen to a few amazing save-worthy voicemails, including a birthday-version of "You are My Sunshine." The night ended with me so full, so happy, and so so grateful. I woke up to a hot gorgeous day, a run, coffee, goodies, brunch, and the Sunday paper with some lovelies. It's gonna be really hard to top 28, and that's a really good place to be.

Some moments...

"Making Mom's Proud Since 1980"

Num Nums

More Num Nums

Aftermath... (This was after a bunch of clean-up)

I woke up to Lilly's adorable feet. It was 7am Sunday morning and I woke up with "Push It" in my head, giggled and tried in vain to wake anybody else up, and took this picture instead.

Bananie

When I was in Kansas City over a weekend a little while back with a big chunk of my huge extended and adopted family, I spent most of the first day and night laughing at things coming out of my cousin Annie's mouth.

Although I am easily entertained and still find fart jokes pretty funny, this night also included at some point our youngest uncle deciding, since we were raiding his liquor cabinet anyway, to just set up a whole whiskey tasting extravaganza for about seven of us ranging from ages 19-30.
Absinthe however after about 5 'tastes' of different whiskeys is something I won't mind not repeating but boy did I feel good.

Annie is almost exactly six years younger than me and we grew up about a mile apart, and since I remember her being born AND worked as her 'nanny' for about a summer and half when I was in high school, I feel totally justified in claiming responsibility for 'basically raising her'. I coined that phrase over these last holidays during one of the first times we were in a bar legally together and I walked in and announced to her that "Mommy's gonna get drunk tonight" after which I proceeded to drink liquor at an exceedingly fast pace, cheered on by Annie, my sister, and a group of friends, until I found myself (along with everyone else) leaving Annie at the bar and going home to lock myself in the bathroom wondering why a tweezers wouldn't hold my hair up on my head, while Annie continued to drink bad tequila in my parents kitchen with a friend of ours.

Since that night, and since I told her parents that story complete with me claiming rearing responsibility and they found it hilarious, I try to work "I basically raised you" into almost any conversation I have with Annie.

I was railing on her about something that I was not proud of her for, like, having to leave Kansas City too early, or, maybe, not drinking something I wanted her to (frankly, I have no recollection what it was but those are two good guesses) and I said, "You are no child of mine!" to which she responded, and I know because I took this down word for word,
"You cannot just toss me and claim me at your will! I will not be that for you!"

Now, I understand this might very well be one of those you-had-to-be-there moments. However, just imagine how Annie, every time I say I may have had something to do with bringing her up, basically rolls her eyes and maybe squeezes out a chuckle for my sake. So for her to react with such endearing passion just about made me wanna weep, but I was too busy holding my pee in from laughing too hard.














Caitlin & Annie, 1990ish. Shortly before the jagerbombs.

Spring is Springing and making me thirsty

Spring is popping out everywhere I look and the hope and beauty of this season are intoxicating. I'm intoxicated.

And really excited for summer eating and drinking...

***

This is a drink everyone should try:
THE RIDGELY (named for my uncle, who invented it)
-glass full of ice
-Mount Gay Rum
-equal parts (Schweppe's) ginger ale and tonic water
-fresh lime juice - squeeze some right in there and then drop the lime in.

My standard drink is usually a vodka tonic or dirty martini, but this is a cocktail that just makes me smile. By the pool, before dinner, whenever, it's a party in my mouth. I love cocktails and this is a goodun'.

***

The chickens are laying like crazy and for the first time today I actually witnessed a chicken lay an egg. I was scooping eggs from the neighboring coop when I noticed sort of a fluttering noise coming from this nesting chickens rear end. I watched for minute, it half stood up, and out popped an egg. Pretty incredible.
After the hen hopped down I gathered the eggs, brought them inside, and Megan excitedly cooked the freshest one (which also happened to be the biggest and bluest) for her lunch.