"You do have beautiful eyes, but I think my most favorite thing (or at least top 3) about spending time with you is the moment right after you start to tell me something and before you actually say whatever is on your mind. I realized it the second time I was at your house. You have a pattern - you start, then you pause and you think about it, then you say it. Every pause I got a flutter in my stomach and a mix of feeling like I wanted you to just-say-it-already and please-wait-another-moment, because the anticipation of whatever you were about to share with me was delicious. More delicious than coconut oil popcorn and the best brussel sprouts in the world.
I know we've only known each other a couple weeks, and have taken some quick and intense steps, and I think we're still within the time frame that either of us could just cut off the other one without too many hard feelings, and I can't say that I want this to go somewhere concrete - but, I know every time I drove to your house I felt really excited and really comfortable, almost relieved, like I was going home. And ever time I was there I didn't want to leave. And I don't want to be removed from your life."

There, now I've blogged about you.

I'm starting to think I'm not cut out for this online dating thing.  I like people too much.

What Does Bottom Look Like?

Does it look like being drunk in more than one bar with less than 3 other people in each of them in one night?  (I'm not counting the dog.)

Does it look like texting your ex (from memory since you'd deleted his number more times than you can count) and then proceeding to text him meaner and meaner things until you find yourself having to text an apology the next day?  (Even though you had erased all evidence, other than a snapshot of some of the really nice things he was texting back to you.)

Does it look like texting your current very complicated crush at 3am his time that you 'need to talk'?

Does it look like seriously considering making out with a man whose girlfriend you had met not but one hour earlier, because he told his friend he thought your were hot?

Does it look like scolding the friend, who also is your friends boyfriend, for trying to hook you up with him, when in fact it was you who told him to do it?

Does it look like accepting a trip back to the bar to drive by to see if the attractive man that was sitting there when I left to chase taken tail was still sitting there?

Does it look like discovering about forty fuzzy photos on your phone of you trying to get a cute picture holding the puppy, and having no recollection of it?

Or maybe, does it look like all these things combined?


Just wondering.

Better Off

Dear You,

I deserved at least a phone call.

I don't believe you were faking anything with me so that means that either you suddenly lost interest, chose someone else, or decided it was too much.

One way or another you decided to just stop. I understand that when you're not into someone, un-returned calls and messages don't seem nearly as big of a deal to you as they do to the person on the other end. We had an intense connection. I opened up to you quickly in a way that I haven't in a long time. You gave me reason to hope a little and trust a little, and I deserved at least being told "it's just not going to happen" if not an explanation.

I don't care if this note makes me seem crazy. I know what I am and what I am not, and I've seen crazy, and this ain't it.

Eventually we'll run into each other, and it'll be polite and cordial and just fine. And because I probably won't ever tell you in person, I'll tell you just in my own head and here where you'll probably never read it - you hurt my feelings. You were capable of manning up and being honest with me and you failed. Shame on you.

So here's to me finding out now before anything more than just some silly feelings were invested.

Cheers,

Me