27 February 2010

Come Inside

I arrived at another theory on men and relationships today, one that will join a lengthy, well researched, and dare I say it wise list.

All of us have had someone (or more likely someones) who seems to have the secret password to our defenses.  They can get to us beyond what may seem reasonable or in many instances a good idea.
This is not to say that we automatically turn into suckers or doormats for this password-knowing person, but it is much more of a struggle to not spend an exorbitant amount of time thinking about the next time you'll see each other, whether they think about you even close to as much, and how bad you want this to be more than it probably ever will.

Allow me to digress...  I am one of the most open people I know in terms of personal subjects.  Relationships, friendships, pain, sex, and any number of awkward things that people usually tend to keep pretty close to the chest are all things that I, for the most part, am happy to discuss.  (That's basically what this whole thing is about after all.)  I am also easily comfortable around just about anybody.  This openness and comfort level allow me to form a bond with people more quickly than most.  I realized long ago that even if my enthusiasm for someone isn't reciprocated, it will probably be appreciated, and to me that is still a win.

It is safe to say my knack for bonding with people has also lent itself to me getting involved too quickly in romantic relationships.  I crave a deep connection with people which means that I tend to look past things that will eventually prove to be fatal flaws in a possible relationship.  After recognizing this pattern, I find it very difficult to trust my emotions for somebody on a romantic level.  I am getting better at following my gut instincts, which time and time again have proven to be a reliable compass, but I still have my doubts and my hurdles.  (RememberAnd this?) 

My point here is that even though I'm getting better at filtering who I really let in, there appears to be someone that has figured out the secret door and has more than once slipped inside to where I want to hold on to him and share more of me than may be prudent.  Not purposefully and unbeknownst to him I believe, and probably as surprising to him as it is unsettling to me. 

No comments:

Post a Comment