28 September 2010


I'm in Minneapolis.

I arrived 9 days ago, but then left for three days, so it's just now that I feel like I'm actually here.  Mostly.  I've slept most of the last 2 days on an air mattress that I think might be responsible for a backache and some really strange dreams.

I have to get a bed.  I have to get a job.  I have to start getting out of bed before lunchtime.  I have to stop letting the fact that the movers in charge of my stuff are jerks put me in a bad mood.  I have to write some thank-you for the wonderful, generous, loving things people did to help me leave.  I have a lot to do.

It's cold in the mornings, warm in the afternoons, and other than rain last week sunny and cheerful outside.

So it begins.

12 September 2010

The Day After Tomorrow

Less than 48 hours until I'm no longer a resident of California...

My room/house looks like a hurricane came through it, but its getting better.

I'm writing this from my knees.  My computer's here on the desk that will be picked up by movers tomorrow, and my chair is elsewhere.  I'm surrounded by clothes to take, clothes to pack, and clothes to donate.  CD's to sort through.  A few boxes of journals and letters that will come with us in the car.

"Us" is my sister and me.  We're going to go see the Grand Canyon this week; neither of us ever have.  We'll see a good amount of desert too, then we'll see lovelies in KC, then we'll pull into Minneapolis about a week from today.

I keep thinking about what's the same and what's different from when I did this the last time.  Almost everything is different, but yet here I am, surrounded by items, a car still to clean and route to plan, drinking coffee, listening to a mix of sappy country and angry rap music, thinking it's a beautiful day - just like I was three years and three months ago.

I'm not alone this time.  When I left Fayetteville I was gloriously alone and all was right.  As I leave Healdsburg I have Megan, and all is right. 

I've said goodbye slowly and quietly here.  One at a time.  I won't get to see everybody I'd like to say goodbye to before I leave this time.  Last time there were parties.  A few of them.  This time, I want a conversations, a glass of wine if there's time, and hugs.  I still cry a little but I know all is well.

It is indeed a beautiful day.

01 September 2010

Hug It Out

Him:  Why do we hug?  What does the action represent?  Are we trying to become one with each other?  Why do some hugs mean nothing yet others transfer warmth and love and lust and passion and love?  Why do we hug?!*

Me:  Hugs are good.  It's human touch, it's knowing we're not alone, it's the warmth of two bodies, it can be comforting or comfortable or it can be tense with passion.  We hug so we can physically know what we cerebrally understand, that we're one part of a whole.  We hug to feel connected.**

*Sent via text too late at night from someone who's getting over someone to someone he never got over.
**Sent via text so early in the morning it seemed like a dream when it was remembered, from someone who doesn't want to get over someone to someone she never wanted to get over.