07 February 2009

"Rainclouds always blow away"

What do we do when our heart breaks?

The answer is if we survive, which most of us do, we inevitably grow stronger.
But what if it's the kind of heartbreak that shatters your whole sense of being? That spins your world off its axis, forever changing what you thought of as permanent?

We rebuild ourselves, if we are to survive. And I assume that most of us don't put the pieces back exactly the way they fit together before- they just won't fit the same. But as we rebuild we have the opportunity to improve, to change. Maybe that is the silver lining of this profound pain, that it can allow you to change for the better.

I had survived getting my heart broken before in the more traditional sense; I've gone through a good and a bad relationship both of which I had to recover from after they ended. But when the person I loved the most was killed last summer I remember being very aware, in the haze of shock and grief and family and love and anguish, that nothing would every be the same. What I thought of as the basic facts of my life were irrevocably altered in one horrible moment.

So this is me, with all the tools I've got, rebuilding.


  1. You are so strong, so fragile, and oh so lovely, my Shmate.

  2. There is absolutely nothing fair in who lives and who dies. My time at the medical examiner's office has taught me that. All we can do is make our survival worth it.