This morning I was in a great mood. Slept in, read a book, went for coffee, and when I came back to the farm to start my work day I searched through a box to look for an Emmylou Harris CD I thought I had in there, because I saw her perform last night and was inspired to dig it out.
Instead I found, almost immediately, a cd my bother Brendan made for me. I'm pretty sure it was Christmas either 2006 or 2007, because the color theme was as such.
It is a thin cd case with a red square insert and CAITLIN written out on the top in a slightly darker red. Inside the blank cd has my name scrawled on it what I'm pretty sure was a well used sharpie in Brendan's distinctive handwriting. On the inside face of the cover sheet is the track list, as follows...
1 Think I'm in Love - Beck
2 Hang on Little Tomato - Pink Martini
3 Over and Over Again - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
4 Wildcat - Ratatat
5 Ciagarettes and Chocolate Milk - Rufus Wainwright
6 Dois Rios - Skank
7 Nausea - Beck
8 Hail to Whatever You Found in the Sunlight - Rilo Kiley
9 Amando Mio - Pink Martini
10 The Skin of my Country Yellow Teeth - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
11 Loud Pipes - Ratatat
12 Electrik Boogie - Ursula 1000
13 She Crys Your Name - Beth Orton
14 Crips - Ratatat
15 Le Plus - Carla Bruni
16 Soldier Jane - Beck
17 Superrob - Tosca
I didn't know what to do but really wanted to put the cd back in the box and not to have found it, and not to have to feel the way about it that I do because he's dead. I think I gasped (in my head I did anyway) and then started crying and sat down where I was, between my bed and my dresser. I was left there for a while wondering if anything I could wipe my face off was within arms reach and if I was going to dry up and be able to have a good day, or if this one was going to change it. Luckily it was the former, and eventually I climbed up off the floor and put the cd down on some pads of paper I had also pulled out, wiped off my face and went to work.
At point this afternoon I opened up my personal email along with my work one, and I saw I had a message from Corporate Perks. I'm not totally sure what Corporate Perks is, but Brendan signed Megan and me up for it when he officially got his job in the spring of '08 and I think it gives you discounts on a bunch of stuff. I remember him emailing us to let us know it wasn't spam, it was legitimately from him and valid. I never got around to doing anything with it beyond not deleting the emails. I get them every once in a while still, but I usually open them briefly so they're not marked as 'new' but don't want to read them and can't delete them.
I opened this one and read:
Brendan Scanlon has invited you to have guest access to Corporate Perks, an exclusive benefit for Corporate Perks employees. Your guest account expires in 30 days unless you register, and so please act now. Corporate Perks can help you save money on everything from groceries, cell phone bills, movie tickets, clothes and accessories to electronics, vacations and personal care items.
To access your guest account simply login to Corporate Perks by using the information below:
This thankfully didn't reduce me to a soggy mess but rather made me smile as my gut ached. "Oh Corporate Perks...", I thought, "If only you knew who you were talking to about expiring..."
It was a good day today. It was full of reminders that things Brendan touched are limited - finite. But I got off the floor and and smiled more than a few times so it was a good day.