Hi EndOfApril! I so did not expect to see you here so soon!
If I would have known you were coming, I would have finished so much more shit on my to-do list/cleaned my winter weary cobweb riddled windows/shaved my legs. (That last one's a stretch but I try to go all out for guests, even if they're unexpected and temporary.)
Since you really surprised me this time (no, really, it is ok, really, seriously... seriously it's fine... It will be fine...) I didn't get groceries/meet deadlines/practice choir/call anyone back that I was supposed to. But you know I can pull a party out of nowhere so let's get shakin'. Would saltines and cheap vodka and ginger ale be ok? What's that? You're on a no-carb diet? Is that a crack on my gaining weight instead of losing it before my best friends' wedding in a month and a half that I haven't finished planning the bachelorette party for yet? (Ok. You're going to have to lay off, I told you this is a surprise visit.) No? Well my apologies, it's just that's what I have leftover from my little nausea episode last week.
No, no, no chance it was morning sickness. Thanks for asking I guess, you're the 3rd person so I guess I still seem like I might be having fun/getting some action/being irresponsible.
Seriously, you don't have to go. What's that? May is on his way?!?!?!? Well f#*@. You can't just stay a little longer instead, make him wait a little? Fine. No, it's fine. Have a nice year I guess. I'll see you again in threehundredwhatever days. (What now? If I knew the exact amount of days maybe you wouldn't be a surprise? You know what, no need to get snarky. Here, have a saltine for the road.)